April 1, 2022 | David F. Coppedge

Darwin Follies Continue

Evolutionists are not telling April Fool jokes;
they really believe this stuff.


Some future day, the “It evolved!” meme may become too embarrassing for a respectable scientist to repeat. After all, no scientist today talks about the demon of cancer or the planet in the house of Capricorn causing Covid-19. But as long as Darwinists are willing to share their silly stories about the Stuff Happens Law openly in the public media, with pride and gusto, it appears we will not run out of Friday Funnies any time soon.

Monkeys often eat fruit containing alcohol, shedding light on our taste for booze (University of California, Berkeley, 30 March 2022).

This one emerges from Berserkely, naturally. Darwine-o Robert Dudley delights in a new study that showed monkeys eating fruit with 1-2% ethanol. To him, this confirms his 8-year-old “drunken monkey hypothesis” about why humans get stoned.

“For the first time, we have been able to show, without a shadow of a doubt, that wild primates, with no human interference, consume fruit-containing ethanol,” said Campbell, a CUSN professor of anthropology who obtained her Ph.D. in anthropology from Berkeley in 2000. “This is just one study, and more need to be done, but it looks like there may be some truth to that ‘drunken monkey’ hypothesis — that the proclivity of humans to consume alcohol stems from a deep-rooted affinity of frugivorous (fruit-eating) primates for naturally-occurring ethanol within ripe fruit.”

For fun, watch the embedded video of Dudley back in 2014 presenting his just-so story in all seriousness. He even wrote a book about it, The Drunken Monkey: Why We Drink and Abuse Alcohol. No fooling. My; what will the Women’s Christian Temperance Union say about this proof of evolution? Alcoholic fathers now have an excuse; they can blame Darwin.

ASL gesture for “stupid”

Evidence found for gestures as the likely beginnings of human communication (Phys.org, 15 March 2022).

Bob Yirka proudly announces, without snickering, that “A team of researchers from Australia, Germany and the U.S. has found evidence that the origin of human language was hand gestures rather than grunts.” Of course, none of the researchers got in a time machine to check it out. We can observe, however, some humans devolving back to those earlier forms of communication. Alas; this may require a remake of One Million Years BC.

Rapid adaptation in fruit flies (Penn Today from Penn State University, 17 March 2022).

File this under “Evolution is slow, except when it is fast.” The subtitle reads, “New findings from School of Arts & Sciences biologists show that evolution—normally considered to be a gradual process—can occur in a matter of weeks in fruit flies in response to natural environmental change.” Think evolution is slow? “Tell that to fruit flies,” this article challenges.

Natalia Mesa gleefully regurgitated this tale on The Scientist the same day (no collusion? Read about the science media racket in our 11 Jan 2016 article). She describes how hard the students worked to collect data: building tents, catching the little flies, and sequencing their genomes. The flies in spring were different from the flies in fall. They must have evolved! “The pace of evolution was incredibly surprising,” remarked evolutionary biologist Paul Schmidt. “It’s super fast.” At this rate, fruit files will have brains as big as ours in a decade. Won’t that hinder their flying? Oh, they will get bigger wings, too. Because when stuff happens, anything can happen.

Competition among worm sperm speeds up evolution (University of Oregon, 21 March 2022).

Worm sperm. At least it rhymes. But who would study that? Darwinists, because they are highly motivated to glorify King Charles by proving that stuff happens. It motivates UO biologist and Provost Patrick Phillips to indoctrinate his students in the dark art of visualizing natural selection. That’s why he advised his PhD student Katja Kasimatis to look for evidence of sexual selection in worms. One would think that worms are pretty much done with evolution, having existed for hundreds of millions of years, with plenty of time to try every mating trick in the book. But Phillips thought Kasimatis might still find a bit of sexual selection in roundworms by turning sperm production on and off in C. elegans. From this, she would be able to weave clothes for the King’s big parade.

Dramatic differences between the sexes have fascinated biologists for hundreds of years,” Phillips said. “Katja was able to use genetic engineering to switch sperm competition on and off, use experimental evolution to rigorously test hypotheses that have intrigued the field for a long time, and then use whole-genome DNA sequencing to drill right down to the genes underlying evolutionary change. In many respects, this study represents the culmination of my hopes for what we could accomplish when I began using the worm system for evolutionary studies nearly 30 years ago.”

A more accurate march of human evolution. Note: first figure at left is mythical.

Family tree of extinct apes reveals our early evolutionary history (New Scientist, 16 March 2022).

Michael Marshall, a faithful choir boy in the Church of Charlie, honors the king with ignorance. (Evolution is one career where you can brag about how much you don’t know and still keep your job.) After so many years of talk about human evolution, do evolutionists know where our common ancestor lived, or what it looked like? Kelsey Pugh of the American Museum of Natural History tells Mike how much they have learned since Time-Life Books printed that iconic parade of human evolution everybody knows (above).

This also means we still don’t know what the last common ancestor of humans and chimpanzees, our closest living relatives, looked like. It may have swung under branches of trees like a chimp, or it may not. Modern apes aren’t a good guide because they have evolved so much. “It is very possible, from what we see in the Miocene, that living African apes and orangutans are not representative of what was found in the fossil record,” says Pugh.

Sorry Darwin, but it turns out promiscuity benefits females too (New Scientist, 9 March 2022).

[Parental Advisory Warning]

This minor slap at Darwin is short-lived, because even though he was a deplorable sexist (10 June 2021), his theory always prevails.

My research since has exposed how sexist bias has been baked into evolutionary biology and warped our understanding of the female animal. We should remember that great scientists, even geniuses like Charles Darwin, are also people of their time. Darwin’s second great theoretical masterpiece – The Descent of Man, his book containing his theory of sexual selection – cast females in the role of the Victorian housewife: coy, submissive and invariant.

NS reporter Lucy Cooke’s minor correction (that promiscuity benefits females too) actually helps the King gain new territory. Charlie thought that sexual selection benefited males, but Lucy (no relation to A. afarensis) says that gals can be just as promiscuous as the guys! Darwinism is an equal-opportunity perversion. Evolution proves that both men and women are free to violate the Ten Commandments and feel good about it. Lucy’s Cooke book is titled Bitch: A revolutionary guide to sex, evolution & the female animal. That, Lucy, is not funny.

Banner Credit: Brett Miller.

c. Brett Miller for Creation-Evolution Headlines.


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