September 1, 2023 | David F. Coppedge

Friday Funnies: Evolutionary Balderdash

Darwinism makes scientists lazy.
All they have to say is “It evolved.”

 

If you replaced “evolutionary” with a nonsense word, it would make as much sense. Maybe more.

Here are recent examples of evolutionary balderdash from the Big Science Media monopoly. For fun, try replacing “evolution” with “convolution” and “evolutionary” with “convolutionary” in these articles. This is how Darwinists twist things around, pretending to make sense out of poppycock.

Algae provide clues about 600 million years of plant evolution (Göttingen University, 30 Aug 2023). You can’t look at living algae and say they are ancestors of all land plants. But these German Darwinists do it anyway. Fact: plants are ubiquitous. Therefore, stuff happened in the convoluted Darwinian world of the imagination.

This astounding biodiversity came into existence due to a fateful evolutionary event that happened just once: plant terrestrialization. This describes the point where one group of algae, whose modern descendants can still be studied in the lab, evolved into plants and invaded land around the world.

“Professor” Jan de Vries became so excited during his divination exercise, he wanted to sing.

“Our analysis allows us to identify which genes collaborate in various plants and algae. It’s like discovering which musical notes consistently harmonize in different songs. This insight helps us uncover long-term evolutionary patterns and reveals how certain essential genetic ‘notes’ have remained consistent across a wide range of plant species, much like timeless melodies that resonate across different music genres.”

Most people think music is intelligently designed. Not Darwinists: ‘It Evolved’ is their explanation for everything. Even John Cage put more thought into his “chance music” than these evolutionists put into their convolutionary explanations.

Some hosts have an ‘evolutionary addiction‘ to their microbiome, researcher argues (Cell Press via Phys.org, 29 Aug 2023). What did evolutionary biologist Tobin Hammer at UC Irvine put into his coffee? Did he spike it with Darwin Flubber?

Evolutionary addiction is also sometimes called “evolved dependence,” and it could occur in any host system— from the human gut, to plant roots, to microbes that host other microbes. Hammer compares it to his own dependence on coffee.

Human and ape ancestors arose in Europe, not in Africa, controversial study claims (Live Science, 30 Aug 2023). In this Euro-centric rewrite of human ancestry, diehard Darwin propagandist Charles Q. Choi convolutes his article with the e-word everywhere. He promotes a new idea that “the ancestors of African apes and humans first evolved in Europe before migrating to Africa” and then speaks of evolutionary history, evolutionary relationships, and evolutionary ancestors. He even asks evolutionary questions. How could Charlie Q ever survive as a reporter without his favorite word uttered in homage to Grampa Charlie?

Three-eyed distant relative of insects and crustaceans reveals amazing detail of early animal evolution (University of Leicester, 29 Aug 2023). A fossil from the Cambrian explosion found in China has been scanned in 3-D. For something alleged to be 520 Darwin Years old, it shows exceptional detail. It even looks modern, boasting six segments just like modern arthropods have. Robert O’Flynn, a PhD student, being up to date with his annual infusions of the Darwin brain virus, is not fazed by the fact that “we could see that its head possesses six segments, just as in many living arthropods.” He knows it evolved anyway, long, long ago, even though it contradicts previous “understanding” about arthropod evolution. His faculty advisors teach him how to apply Darwin theory rescue techniques.

Dr Greg Edgecombe from the Natural History Museum added: “Most of our theories on how the head of arthropods evolved were based on these early-branching species having fewer segments than living species. Discovering two previously undetected pairs of legs in Kylinxia suggests that living arthropods inherited a six-segmented head from an ancestor at least 518 million years ago.

O’Flynn can relax. The press will swallow the claim that this fossil “fills in a gap in our understanding of the evolution of animals known as arthropods.”

Balderdash to the Silly Extreme

The evolutionary reasons humans love pets (Daniel Mills, The Conversation, 8 Aug 2023). This Darwine-drunk prof teaches that you don’t just love your pet for some ordinary reasons; you love your pet for evolutionary reasons.

It really doesn’t matter what species an animal is if they meet a strong biological need. There may be deep-rooted biological reasons why we enjoy caring for pets. In fact, there are several evolutionary theories about why humans keep pets. …

Evolutionary theories that seek to explain this bond range from the biophilia hypothesis (humans have an intrinsic attraction to the natural world) to an inherent attraction or caring response to child-like characteristics such as a high forehead, large eyes and a shortened nose.

But is “evolutionary reason” even a thing? It sounds sophoxymoronic. But then—get this—to make his point, he embeds a cartoon of “the Evolution of Mickey Mouse,” showing how animators modified its look over the years. What would they think if told they used the Stuff Happens Law to do this instead of their intelligent minds?

You’re reading this because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs, allowing mammals to dominate the Earth. But why? (University of British Columbia, 17 Aug 2023). Read that headline slowly, please. Re-read it. All your values, your hopes, your dreams, your knowledge, your experience, your destiny are the result of an accidental crash by an asteroid—and the power of evolution to make wisdom emerge, Phoenix-like, from the ashes. That asteroid, you see, allowed you to evolve. Without its permission, you would just be a dinosaur!

This is what the article’s champion Darwinist, Dr Kendra Chritz, teaches her impressionable students. She instructs them in the mystical art of divination with teeth, staring at fossil dentures like crystal balls until the visage of the Bearded Buddha appears.

It’s taken hundreds of millions of years for the planet to get to this point, and we carry the records of our evolution within our own bodies,” she says.

If you take her class, you can earn extra credit by blaming humans for climate change.

This is what you get when your culture abandons theism and embraces naturalism. Stuff makes itself. Stuff happens.

And this is what you get when the DODO‘s push DOPE and censor anyone who complains.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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