Neanderthals Can’t Get No Respect

Will evolutionary paleontologists ever make up their minds about Neanderthals?  The story seems to change every year.  Just when they had been getting more respect as Homo sapiens brethren, another researcher is demoting them to outsiders.
    An Argentinean anthropologist has measured anatomical features and concluded they were a separate species, reported PhysOrg.  Understandably, “Reconciling these diverse classifications from a tiny number of specimens spanning millions of years has led to lots of claims and counter-claims, as well as much confusion in the general public, about how we came to be here.”
    Meanwhile, National Geographic News claimed Mr. Neanderthal had a big mouth.  A team of Israeli anthropologists believe Neanderthals could open their mouths wider than modern humans.  Perhaps all this proves is that they were good politicians.
    The alternate spellings of Neanderthal and Neandertal seem to be equivalent, according to Dictionary.com.

The PhysOrg article has a picture of a Neanderthal thinker in a pensive pose.  He’s thinking, “I tell you, I can’t get no respect from evolutionary anthropologists.  One of them, he told me I was crazy.  I told him I wanted a second opinion.  He said, OK, you’re ugly, too.  I bet your mother fed you with a slingshot.  When I was born, he said, the doctor shoulda slapped your mother.  You are the sap in the family tree.  Better watch out for that saber-tooth cat over there – he’s likely to cover you up.  I tell you.  I got a PhD, a muscular physique, a wall covered with hunting trophies and a voice like Pavarotti, but I can’t get no respect.  The government taxed the shirt off my back.  At least I don’t have to worry about pickpockets.”
    How should you read news articles like this?  Sadly, you must ignore them.  Science, a word that used to mean “knowledge,” has abandoned its respect for rigor and restraint.  It has become a playground for storytellers shooting off their gaping mouths to get a moment of fame in the news.  Anything you read today is likely to be overturned next month.
    What does this Brazilian know about Neanderthals and their relationship to the human family tree?  Nothing.  He made it all up.  The article said as much.  “Various species of Homo have been put up for the crown of being our direct ancestor, only to find themselves dismissed by critics as failed branches of the Homo tree.”  So on what basis do they dismiss Neanderthal and promote Homo habilis today?  They could take any random sample of living humans and come up with dozens of theories of who is related to whom.  Undoubtedly some of us would be demoted from the human line.  Certain individuals demote themselves from the subspecies Homo sapiens sapiens by their own folly.