Parody Songs
These familiar songs with alternate lyrics have appeared from time to time in Creation-Evolution Headlines. They are sure to liven up your next Darwin Party!
THE BLUNDERFUL WIZARD OF FLAWS
To the tune of The Munchkin’s Song from The Wizard of Oz movie (19 Jan 2022)
We’re off to shame the wizard, the Blunderful Wizard of Flaws.
If ever, if ever a wiz there was, the Blunderful Wizard is one because
Because because because because
Because of the blunderful things he does;
We’re off to shame the Wizard, the Blunderful Wizard of Flaws.
THE DARWIN IN THE TALE
To the tune of “Farmer in the Dell” (17 Feb 2025)
The Darwin in the tale
The Darwin in the tale
Hi, ho, scenario
The Darwin in the tale.
The creature takes a red,
The creature takes a red,
Hi, ho, scenario
The creature now is dead.
The blue one now is it
The blue one now is it
Hi, ho, scenario
The blue one now is fit.
A poison hits the blue
A poison hits the blue
Hi, ho, scenario,
His fitness turns to goo.
The red evolves a plop
The red evolves a plop
Hi, ho, scenario
The red is now on top.
Avida is the thing
Avida is the thing
Hi, ho, scenario
The thing to please the king.
OOL FODDER
To the tune of Cool Water (24 Feb 2022)
[Note: OOL= origin of life; Pers=Perseverance Rover; Dan=a PhD student]
Rover on Mars
All day I’ve faced the Martian waste without the taste of fodder: OOL Fodder.
Old Dan ‘n’ I, with ink bone dry, and souls that cry for fodder—
OOL, OOL, fodder.
Keep a-movin’ Pers, don’t ya listen to him Pers,
My advisor is perverse, and he makes me curse my Alma Mater.
NASA, can’t you see that PhD where the funding’s runnin’ free
And it’s waitin’ there for me and you!
The nights are cool, and I’m a fool,
Each core’s a jewel of fodder: OOL fodder.
But with the sol I’ll wake and roll and sadly stroll
For fodder: OOL, OOL fodder.
Keep a-movin’ Pers, don’t ya listen to him Pers,
My advisor is perverse, and he makes me curse my Alma Mater.
NASA, can’t you see that PhD where the funding’s runnin’ free
And it’s waitin’ there for me and you!
OOL, OOL, fodder. [Background voice: “False positive again.”]
MY IMPOSSIBLE THINGS
To the tune of “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music (16 April 2024)
Scientist with Yoda Complex entering trance to meditate on his idol and on 747s emerging from tornadoes in junkyards (Grok/XI)
Dinosaur tissues and awkward convergence,
Lazarus taxa and rapid divergence,
Fossil explosions and lizards with wings,
These are among my impossible things.
Natural likeness to breeders’ selection,
Warm little ponds yielding living perfection,
Unguided flux from which everything springs,
These are among my impossible things.
When my God speaks, when ID swings,
When I’m feeling mum,
I simply imagine impossible things,
And then I don’t feel so dumb.
SING A SONG OF DARWIN
To the tune of “Sing a Song of Sixpence” (28 December 2013)
Sing a song of Darwin, the evolution race,
Ovenbirds evolve, competing for their space,
When the facts come forth, though, the story’s not so cool;
Isn’t that a silly song to teach the kids at school?
LOVE IS A MONKEY HORMONE THING
To the tune of “Love is a Many Splendored Thing” (14 Feb 2013)
Once in a Down and windy House
In the evening mist
Two notions kissed*
And the world stood still
As Charlie penned his book
My silent heart, he taught it how to weep
Aaagh, true love’s
An evolved chemical thing.
*(random mutation and natural selection, or gradualism and materialism)
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS DREAM
by the Evolutionary Brothers (30 Jan 2013)
To the tune of “All I Have to Do Is Dream” by the Everly Brothers
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
When I want to get a grant
I tell a tale, though data’s scant,
Whenever I want funds, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream.
When I feel lazy in the lab
I need a plot line that’s pre-fab
I grab old Darwin then all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam.
I can make it shine, drinking that Dar-wine
Anytime, night or day
Only trouble is— gee whiz,
I’m dreamin’ my data away.
With critics gone, the media’s mine
They’re always there to make me shine
Whenever I want fame, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
[fade out]
WHERE HAVE ALL THE FISHIES GONE? (8 Aug 2012)
To the tune of “Where Have All the Flowers Gone?”
Where have all the fishies gone?
Long time passing;
Where have all transitions gone?
Long time ago.
Where have all our stories gone?
Facts have kicked them, everyone.
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?
LET US SNOW (10 Jan 2012)
To the tune of “Let It Snow”
Oh, creationists are so frightful,
But concocting tales delightful,
And since we’ve no data to show,
Let us snow! Let us snow! Let us snow!
Our show must go on without stopping,
And our eyes evolved by popping,
Critical thinking is turned way down low,
Let us snow! Let us snow! Let us snow!
POPEYE (17 Aug 2019)
To the tune of “Popeye” the cartoon theme song
I’m Popeye the Darwin man;
I fantasize germs to man.
I fight to the finish
To ID diminish;
I’m Popeye the Darwin man.
